things that people do that are almost annoying yet i choose to laugh at them instead...
1. leaving a 2 dollar tip > 1 dollar - okay i get it, your cheap > 3 dollars - aight i can deal with that > 2 dollars? your not wholesomely cheap yet its gonna kill you to squeeze out one or two more bucks even though I refilled your beer an unfathomable amount of times, ordered and brought your smelly oysters to you, squeezed ketchup on your fries and brought water to the rest of your butthead friends to sit there and watch you eat? okay
2. a large group of people walking incredibly slow in the mall taking up the ENTIRE hallway so I cannot even just squeeze by, i must walk slow and become a part of their group until we reach an opening to get by but then hear them say 'geez someones in a hurry' << biznatch I ain't got all day!!
3. a loud, cocky know it all who is younger than you or the same age.. or just in general. 'nuff said
4. spel rong....... really? you graduated college and can't spell tomarrow? dang you stoopid ;)
5. when people (mom and dad, single moms, single dads, the babysitter, aunt frieda...whoever) come in to my restaurant and sit in my section on 'kids eat free' day and let their children run wild through the restaurant (climbing on the stairs and railings, standing on the chairs, they ask for a kids menu with crayons so they can 'color' yet they don't color, they break the crayons up in little tiny pieces and throw them under and around the table), want me to give them a regular cup instead of a kids cup with a lid because they think they are a big kid...and spill it when my section is full and we are getting our rush of the day, when the dad hands me the small one and walks away..then i carry it back to the table the way he handed it to me and he says 'you must not have any since your holding him that way' biatch i don't know where this kid had been except all over the floor i've walked on all day! i aint yo babysitter, shoot...since it is the special of the day, i have to find a manager through all this chaos to comp the 5 kids meals off, then when they get the check they are angered by having to pay for a side of .69cent ranch that doesn't come with the kids meals??? then leave me a big fat ZERO with a LINE through it and the letters Z-E-R-O next to it on the 'tip' line... mmmhmmm, i'll remember you family of 7, i'll remember you.
5 cont. even more then children running wildly is when a family comes in and the dad slaps his 10 yr old kid in the face when they ask if they can have a side of fries and the mother does nothing but stares blankly at me.... this actually bugs me to no end and i will never understand the fathers or mothers that abuse their children in public.
6. people repeating themselves. i heard ya the first time when i said 'okay i understand', no need to say it again and look at me like i was born yesterday. nope you dont need to remind me in 10 minutes. aand i dont need you to tell someone else to tell me. i got it. i am a fully functioning human and can take fact or instruction from you and process it through my brain and remember it, thanks
7. cat calling by sad men who have no life. dont whistle at me, no yelling, not even snapping or clapping. nope i dont want to go home with you tonight, i dont know the special tonight, i actually dont charge by the hour so dont ask me how much and if i did, surely YOU couldn't afford me. surprisingly enough i dont want to converse with to you and your buddies in your yard work truck at a stoplight. I am fully clothed at all times, i am not walking around in skanky clothing so why all the commotion? yes i have blonde hair and yes a sassy little walk but that does not mean i want to have sex with you and all your little friends...leave me alone forever and it will be a better and brighter world.
8. when people call me up and are already talking to someone else. um excuse me? i dont want to sit on the phone and listen to their conversation to someone who is apparently hard of hearing. then they call back all mad that i hung up on them saying im inconsiderate.. haHA! your a funny one phonemeister.
8 cont. when i get a call from an unknown or random number and they don't leave a message. i dont know who you are... i have too many ex-boyfriends and crazy mom's i'm trying to avoid, so if you could please leave a message to identify yourself that would be greatly appreciated *beeeeeeep*
9. people that think they are funny but really, really aren't. move over kat williams and dane cook, we got a live one here! ya know the kid who has all the jokes, and then some. well its the then some we could do without. stop talking, your not funny.
10. police and their power trips. so it is the middle of the day, broad daylight. is that cop car sound in my music playing right now or (look back to see lights flashing) shooooot its the popo! so i pull over just to have him come over to the passenger window and tell me to move because its restricting traffic, finally he approaches me and says the infamous(in a thick hick accent) "ma'am did you know how fast you were going?" umm i dunno the speed limit thats posted? you pulled me over why you askin me? "you were going 33 in a 25, thats eight over the speed limit" oh dayum im so sorry, i definitely deserve a ticket ..not the sketchy teenagers over there gettin weed from a black suburban... and could you hurry it up with scanning my license and registration? i got ish to do unlike you people...."ma'am im gonna give you a warning" oh wow so you just gave me half a heart attack and used up 45 minutes of my time for this? okay thank you very much now go catch a criminal, congratulations.
here's to 2011.
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